“Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and opened her womb.”

 Genesis 30:22

“He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children.”

Psalm 113:9

Trying to start a family can be one of the most challenging times in our lives.  Having a baby is not always as simple as just stopping the use of birth control.  There are numerous examples in the Bible of women who dealt with infertility – Sarah, Rachel, and Hannah to name a few.  Reading their stories can be reassuring in this time of waiting. 

It has been shown that prayer can actually increase your chances of conceiving.  One Cathedral mom prayed using several scripture verses with the “He Hears and He Answers” theme.  The verses are Isaiah 55:11, Mark 11:24, Philippians 4:6, 1Thessalonians 5:16-18, and 1 John 5:4.

What can also be very helpful is talking with other women who are going through – or have been through - similar experiences.  Sharing your frustrations, worries and joys can be powerful and rewarding.  If you would like to speak with someone, please call Jennifer Crone and she will get you in touch with someone who understands what you are going through.  You may reach Jennifer at (407) 849-0680, ext. 216, or via email at stlukesnursery@hotmail.com

One resource that a Cathedral mom drew upon was Infertility Support of Central Florida.  They have a help line (407-299-6563) and meet the first Tuesday of every month at Florida Hospital North from 7-9 pm.  The program is run by a licensed clinical social worker and is part of Resolve, the National Infertility Association (www.resolve.org).

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“For God does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.” Lamentations 3:32-33

“May the Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other.”  Genesis 31:49

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

 

The loss of a child, whether born, unborn or aborted, can be devastating.  A comforting thought at this time is that you are not alone.  There are many mothers at the Cathedral who have lived through childbearing losses.  These women found that sharing this event with other women who had been through a similar experience eased their pain.  Alternatively, if you are looking for information to help you support someone who is suffering a childbearing loss, you may find what you’re looking for here as well.

Compiled below are resources that have been helpful to parents who lost a child. All of the books are available through Amazon.com, or the Cathedral’s bookstore.  If you would like to talk with someone, please contact Jennifer Crone at the Cathedral, (407) 849-0680 or via email at stlukesnursery@hotmail.com 

Empty Arms: Coping After Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death by Sherokee Ilse was one of the first books to offer support to families after their baby's death and to guide caregivers in their support of these families.  This book touches the hearts of families at the time of their loss, and over time as they heal. No matter how, or at what age or gestational age a baby dies, their parents are invited to be supported by Sherokee and her husband, who themselves have suffered miscarriage, stillbirth and ectopic pregnancy.  Guidance and practical suggestions are offered with compassion for the decision-making at the time, including why and how one might see, hold, and memorialize one's baby.  Suggestions for future challenges, such as how to handle anniversaries, holidays, the birth of other babies in the parents close circle are offered as well. The book also has an excellent bibliography and resource section.

When A Baby Dies: A Handbook for Healing and Helping by Rana K. Limbo, Sara Rich Wheeler and Susan T. Hessel is written to help families heal, as well as to help healthcare professionals provide support to families suffering a loss.  The book covers individual stories of pregnancy and perinatal loss. There are specific chapters on miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, newborn death and loss in a multiple gestation pregnancy. Working from the fact that grief is normal, the book also addresses the family issues that occur as each person grieves differently. Additional chapters address the roles of individual healthcare professionals and include checklists, which are helpful in caring for bereaved families.

Mommy, Please Don’t Cry by Linda Deymaz and Sabrina Smith is a short book written from a child’s perspective from heaven.  It is illustrated and can be read by both parents and children alike.  This Christian book has provided hope and peace to many grieving mothers by painting a picture of their baby in heaven with Jesus.

Meditations for Bereaved Parents by Judy Osgood is a collection of one and two-page meditations written by men and women of all ages who have had a child die. The book provides an honest confrontation with grief and help for moving beyond it. In their own way, authors share what helped them in hopes it will help the reader too. It is a book for parents to turn to in the still of the night when sleep won't come and they need to know that someone, somewhere, understands exactly how they are feeling at that moment.

An Empty Cradle, a Full Heart: Reflections for Mothers and Fathers After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death by Christine O’Keeffe and Phyllis Tickle is a collection of short reflections written by parents who have lost children, which also includes a scripture with each story.  This is another book you can pick up at any time for just a few moments or for a few hours.

Unspeakable Losses: Understanding the Experience of Pregnancy Loss, Miscarriage and Abortion by Kim Kluger Bell examines the "shadow side" of being pregnant--the unspoken grief of losing a pregnancy before birth through miscarriage, abortion, or stillbirth.  The experience has all too often been minimized and misunderstood. According to author and psychotherapist Kim Kluger-Bell, pregnancy loss can be described with one word: unspeakable. The book includes in-depth stories from would-be parents (including the author) discussing such diverse issues as multifetal reductions (more and more common as in vitro fertilization procedures become widespread), the male experience of pregnancy loss, and how a woman can be pro-choice yet still suffer grief over choosing abortion. She includes tools for moving through the grieving process, discussing losses and helping loved ones who have experienced pregnancy loss.

A Solitary Sorrow: Finding Healing & Wholeness After Abortion by Teri K. Reisser and Paul Reisser, M.D. addresses the intensely personal struggles with fear, anger, shame and loneliness that many women experience after an abortion.  The book is written by a Christian family therapist who combines accurate information with client stories to help women find reconciliation, hope, and healing.  Some of the topics covered include the loneliness of the abortion experience, the pain of the ongoing memories, resolving the anger and grief of the abortion experience and finding peace with self, others, and God.

Forgiven and Set Free: A Post-Abortion Bible Study for Women by Linda Cochrane is a bible study to help women deal with the emotions following an abortion – whether it was recent or a long time ago. Women who hurt after an abortion usually have such deep scars that they have difficulty talking about their pain. This study uses scripture to help deal with the anger, guilt, depression and other emotional issues women have after an abortion.  There is a men’s companion study, Healing A Father’s Heart, which is very helpful for men who are suffering after their partner’s abortion.

The SIDS Survival Guide: Information and Comfort for Grieving Family and Friends and

Professionals Who Seek to Help Them by Joanie Nelson Horchler and Robin Rice Morris is an excellent resource for families recovering from the loss of a child to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).  Through sharing of statistical information and personal stories submitted by other parents who have lost a child to SIDS, this book provides comfort and reassurance that you are not alone in this terrible experience.  Also helpful are cited resources, including two addresses to help remove one's name from new-parent mailing lists.

Helping People Through Grief by Delores Kuenning is an excellent book for the person who is trying to be helpful and supportive to someone who is experiencing grief.  The book is broken down into almost every type of grief one could imagine, from miscarriage to abortion to abduction to diagnosis of cancer.  The most helpful section is at the end of each chapter in the advice section – advice to persons suffering (including suggested scripture readings) and advice to caregivers.  If you found your way to this page in the hopes of finding a way to comfort someone you care about, this book is the answer.

www.nationalshareoffice.com is the website for SHARE, a not-for-profit, nondenominational organization providing support to those whose lives are touched by the tragic death of a baby through early pregnancy loss, stillbirth or newborn death. You can order resources free of charge from this website, as well as participate in a message board and/or chat room with other bereaved parents.

www.compassionatefriends.org is the website for The Compassionate Friends, a national nonprofit, self-help support organization that offers friendship and understanding to bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings.  While Compassionate Friends is located in Illinois, they have several chapters in Florida (including Orlando).  The website has a chapter locator, as well as some excellent resources for coping with the loss of a child for different family members.  The “Affirmations” section is a photo slide show with thoughtful passages overlaid.